Movies can be used in therapy to examine the reasons behind children displaying both positive and negative behavior.
Keke Palmer’s role as Akeelah Anderson in the movie Akeelah and the Bee, demonstrates a role model of resiliency in the face of many challenges. Resiliency is the ability of a child to recognize their own emotional state and make adjustments to their behavior(s).
The movie’s main character provides significant value in helping a child develop their emotional intelligence when life gets tough. The character is a role model that exemplifies that personal growth can arise out of coping with tragedy. The result is the child being catapulted forward equipped to fulfill her potential.
We must teach our children that being resilient is a choice that is theirs to make.
Emotional Intelligence Spurs on Self-Esteem
“I am not my environment,” is the battle cry that children in poverty need to claim as they strive to reach beyond their current existence. We should teach them to develop high self esteem, because in order to be different you must see yourself as different. Self esteem builders can take many forms so that children can reach their potential.
Self Esteem Builders
A parent is the most significant person that a child can learn their self value from in an intimate setting. However, if the parent is not emotionally available to the child there are other people who can be a surrogate mentor and enhance the child’s self-esteem building capabilities. The key to remember is self esteem is built by learning to build relationships.
- Step 1.
Peter S. Fernald, in his article, "Carl Rogers: Body Centered Counselor," reported that the Theorist Carl Rogers, stated children will lose their sense of self worth, what they want and how they feel, when parents place their value judgments on them. Rogers postulates that the child will begin to give others what they think they want from them.
Instead a parent can build up what is called conditions of worth in a child which is to accept or withhold love from the child based on what they feel.
A child that has personal and quality time with a person of significance in their life will be aided in their affirming and reaffirming their self worth. A parent can promote the self worth of a child by spending time that fosters a relationship based on mutual interest, trust and genuineness.
- Step 2.
Always remember that a dialogue is between two people. To build the self esteem of any person you partner with you must establish a two way mode of communicating that validates them as a separate person of importance. Many parents do not know what is going on in their child’s life because they never spent the time to ask.
However, along with the task of asking what they are doing in their lives you must stop long enough to listen. Listen attentively to the words of the child and give them sufficient time to fully express their ideas, opinions, concerns, issues and complaints. Remember, the conversation is about their agenda (life) and not the parent. The victories and the failures that they make will be their own and not the ones the parents made in their past.
- Step 3.
Be genuine and sincere when you give compliments or praise so that it engenders a healthy feeling of accomplishment in the child. As a parent promotes a sense of self worth in the relationship with a child it helps them to build their self esteem to make choices that will build good character.
Emotional Intelligence Enhances Assertiveness
“I want” is perhaps one of the first and strongest messages that a child utters. This message is conveyed by the child via their words or their actions. Since verbal and non-verbal communication is learned and developed over time a child’s ability to convey their wants, needs and desires is crucial to their survival.
The question that follows is will a child develop the communication skills necessary to convey their wants, needs and desires in an assertive way or an aggressive way.
If a child’s ability to develop their communication skills is left unchecked the potential growth of a child can lean toward aggression instead of assertiveness. Sandra Ortega, Antoine Beauchemin, and Reyhan Burcu Kaniskan article, "Building Resiliency in Families with Young Children Exposed to Violence: The Safe Start Initiative Pilot Study," postulated that aggression can develop in many ways. Children subjected to childhood abuse or those who are emotionally disconnected from a parent may develop aggression as a form of self-expression. The therapeutic benefit of the movie is the characters overcoming parental disconnectedness, signs of childhood abuse in the community and witnessing abuse by developing assertiveness to express their own wants and needs.
Assertiveness Builders
Assertiveness is the ability in a relationship to get ones needs met. The character Akkelah demonstrated assertiveness in the face of many obstacles by realizing the power she had to choose the path to meet one of her needs.
- Power To Choose
First, we must tell our children, teach our children and train our children that they have the power to ‘choose.’ The power to choose signals to them that people can influence them (feeling, emotions and behaviors) but they do not determine their future for them. What is the power to choose?
It is the power not to be bullied or terrorized by another person either physically or mentally. It is the power to know that a bully thrives on someone who has given their power to someone else instead of exercising it themselves.
Tell a child that they have power to choose who and how others will influence their behavior. The power to do that is their choice.
Teach them how to use their power to stop the influences of others from destroying their future. Train the child that you must practice at anything and everything to be a master of it. This includes learning words or learning how to control your behaviors. It is the power to choose to speak their mind in an assertive and respectful manner to others. The power to choose is theirs.
- Power To Act
We must tell our children, teach our children and train our children that they have the power to act. The power to act is a child’s power to act outside of the limitations that others have placed upon them. Peer pressure, bullying, self doubt and academic labeling can cause the most astute child to succumb to the notion from others that they are inferior.
We must teach children that they have the power to act beyond what other people think of them or they have thought of themselves. Teach them that there are always two choices in a situation. And that they have the power to act on either choice they choose, right or wrong.
We must train our children to have power to act out of respect toward others as valued people who bring meaning into their lives.
We must train our children to have respect and regard for people in their lives without defaming or degrading themselves. We must give them the power to act assertively in relation to others as they attempt to get their needs met and meet the needs of others.
- Power To Say No
We must tell our children, teach our children and train our children that they have power to say no. The power to say no gives the child the knowledge that they have control of their minds, emotions and especially their bodies. The power to say no gives a child the power to set direction in life to follow and stay on a path in life that they choose for themselves.
The power to say no to critics, enemies, detractors and the negative thoughts of other people gives rise to self esteem, to assertiveness and ultimately to self awareness. In the movie, an excerpt was read from the poet, Marianne Williamson’s, book entitled, Our Deepest Fears, which triggered the impulse to say no to the unbelievers of who we are now and yes to our believing who we can be.
Emotional Intelligence Promotes Self-Awareness
What is an epiphany? Have you had an epiphany about your life recently? Have you had an epiphany that you are someone of some value?
An epiphany moment came to Akeelah in the movie when she made the statement that she wanted to win the National Spelling Bee and she realized she was equipped to accomplish that task. It was a unique moment of her self-awareness, here a victim of her community, believes she can reach beyond the bounds and bonds that influenced her life.
Self Awareness Builders
This moment of discovering what she wanted for herself set in motion the knowledge that she had value beyond who she was and what others thought she could be. Self awareness is the discovery that we have value beyond just ‘me’ because we have a connection with others.
Self awareness gives us insight that we have a connectedness that shows universality with a world greater than our own. Self awareness for a child can be shown in three ways.
- Reciprocal Exchange
Self awareness allows a child to value what they receive from others and that they have something to give back to them. When a child becomes self aware that they can give and receive in a reciprocal exchange with others, they grow stronger in their self esteem and assertiveness.
- Empathetic Feelings
Self awareness can have a child begin to feel the pain of another person which can lead to showing care and concern. A child who develops empathy can use their feelings and their experiences to identify with another person (child) to feel what they are feeling. Their self awareness can also drive them to an act that shows they empathize with another person even in the face of adversity.
- Expressing Appreciation
Self awareness can lead a child to a level of appreciating what others have done for them. The benefit of this level of self awareness is the child can learn what it means to sacrifice what they want for the wants of others.
The resiliency that is shown in the movie, Akeelah and the Bee, demonstrates that any child with self-esteem, assertiveness and self-awareness can rise above their current situation and circumstance to become all that they can be.
The child just needs the chance to shine.
References:
Peter S. Fernald. Carl Rogers: Body Centered Counselor. Journal of Counseling & Development. 2000.
Sandra Ortega, Antoine Beauchemin, and Reyhan Burcu Kaniskan. Building Resiliency in Families with Young Children Exposed to Violence: The Safe Start Initiative Pilot Study. Best Practices in Mental Health. 4, 1. pp.
Marianne Williamson. A Return To Love: Reflections on the Principles of A Course in Miracles. 1992. pp. 90-91.
Samuel Means - Samuel Means is pastor and counselor who works toward helping families find the resources they need to build strong positive ...
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